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Alicia Lutes
Alicia Lutes

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Sep 20, 2021

She Flew the Coop

I’ve built a cage around myself, one I’ve cobbled together from what I have interpreted as other people’s desires for my behaviors to be; from things I assume and/or intuited from their actions. A structure erected by my own overthinking. It is a stunningly metallic feature, sculptural by accident, a…

Self Improvement

3 min read

She Flew the Coop
She Flew the Coop

Aug 20, 2021

The Walk

I’m trying to walk more. To take my time getting places, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time; to move slowly but with purpose. The problem being that I’m impatient, love though I do to walk places. It doesn’t always feel like the most efficient…

Personal Essay

5 min read

The Walk
The Walk

May 22, 2021

Dermatillomania

The problem is that I’m an addict. I was raised by addicts. I often find myself in the company of fellow addicts. Only my drug of choice is not alcohol, it’s feeling bad about myself — perhaps the most pathetic of habits, but one that is no less real. My…

Mental Health

6 min read

Dermatillomania
Dermatillomania

Apr 1, 2020

There’s A Block On The Road

And how to get out from under it. I used to be a good writer. I don’t know if I really am these days. Sometimes I’m just not so sure. Before it was easy for me to let myself get carried away on a melodic sort of thought or the…

Writers Block

5 min read

There’s A Block On The Road
There’s A Block On The Road

Dec 31, 2019

Ten and Two

2009 was my first full year in New York City. I was working at mtvU, scheduling commercials, living in West Harlem with a bright blue living room. Things felt endless in that way they always do for young people, potential and the unknown pulsating through the street, air, and bones…

Life Lessons

6 min read

Ten and Two
Ten and Two

Jul 11, 2019

Don’t Tweet That

I’m mad at myself because I keep messing up, even when I try. But don’t worry, this is a happy story. In the end. Mostly. (We’ll get there! I promise!) Usually, I would tweet about something like this. An impulsive string of words as a means to attempt to connect…

Mental Health

12 min read

Don’t Tweet That
Don’t Tweet That

Oct 25, 2018

Jeremy

**Warning: this story contains frank discussions of mental health, anxiety, self-hatred, and suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is struggling, know there is help, and click here for assistance. Don’t listen to your Jeremy.** — — There’s a worm inside my head. At least that’s how I’m thinking…

Mental Health

7 min read

Jeremy
Jeremy

Jul 12, 2018

This Is How It Starts

To be honest, you’re not entirely sure about the how. It’s just that, suddenly, every day is like this: you wake up, flustered. Missy Elliott yells in your ear—waaaake up!—from a speaker across the room, because the three alarms on your phone don’t work anymore, when they hardly worked before. …

Depression

5 min read

This Is How It Starts
This Is How It Starts

May 31, 2018

Giving Less

This time, I’m giving less. Of myself, of my world, my love, my feelings, my opinions. And I mean it this time. Because I’m tired. I’ve tried—and failed—to internalize this concept for years. I found pride and strength in my idea of perseverance, thinking I was doing some higher bidding…

Life

5 min read

Giving Less
Giving Less

May 9, 2018

Tired of Cool

I’m sick and tired of cool. Cool—as an idea co-opted by the apathetic—isn’t something to which we should all aspire, it’s an idea that should die on the vine. Because to be cool in that context means to be icy, removed, and detached, our feelings pushed deep inside, inexpressible and…

Love

4 min read

Tired of Cool
Tired of Cool
Alicia Lutes

Alicia Lutes

Professional numpty & flibbertigibbet

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